I’ve been finding things hard for a while now, especially with the transition of moving back to Uni and learning how to prioritise eating around my days, when I don’t particularly want to, when it feels unnecessary and the voices scream louder and louder at me throughout. I’ve tried to keep this silent, Anorexia takes advantage in vulnerable situations particularly. I still feel guilty for speaking up at times, but I guess acknowledging a struggle is just as brave as overcoming it - becoming braver than the bully in my mind attempting to beat me.
My Anorexia is still a huge part of my life, a daily struggle, something I am finding tough to overcome and a continuous journey of finding myself and learning about the importance of eating and the reasons behind it. Seemingly easy science and human nature, but when eating is a fear it isn’t as easy as just returning to normality overnight. I feel hopeless at times, defeated and lonely. But I also know I cannot let this beat me✨
I’ve come a very long way from the photo on the left. (Without being triggering) the girl incredibly scared and lost, a million miles from herself venturing down a very scary path in self destruction and exhaustion. The girl now, she’s trying. So very hard. She’s speaking up about her issues instead of avoiding them and making every attempt to fight through the days - regardless of how excruciatingly painful they prove to be at times. But today I am making a stand and taking charge of my own life, my own recovery and my own happiness💛
Upon recent discovery, I came to the realisation that I must be the one to turn things around. No amount of time spent in therapy, my nurses office or with my care co can magically cure me. Nobody can tell me when it’s okay to make changes and for once, l’d like to be the one implementing changes, fighting against the thoughts and urges and using every ounce of my energy to be brave, instead of merely tiptoeing my way around my fears, remaining in a quasi recovery cycle where I live “comfortably” in an unhappy place🌞💘 Anorexia is the toughest battle I’ll ever have to face. But one I can only take in my stride and encourage others to do the same🌿🌸
Mental Health Awareness Day❤️ I want to speak about the importance of being kind. Being kind to others and ensuring that you include yourselves in the equation too. Encouraging others to seek support, getting a conversation going surrounding mental health without fear or embarrassment. Never underestimate the healing powers of just being there, being a friend and somebody to listen and support.
We live in a World filled with judgement. People hear the word “mental” and quickly associate that with “crazy” - when in hindsight, it’s the mentality we must begin focusing on if we ever want to break the stigma surrounding the illnesses that affect 1 in 5 of us. It’s perfectly okay to admit that you’re not okay. When I first became poorly, I couldn’t say any word in relation to mental health due to my fear of being in trouble or judged. But I have learned that it simply isn’t the case and people love me and wish to support me in my journey🌈
I could go on about how my illnesses affect me each day, about how exhausting carrying on sometimes is and about how much I dislike myself at times and feel as though I’m every bad word invented. But instead, I’m going to take today as an opportunity to focus on positivity and just how far I’ve come in my journey so far: towards happiness and freedom. Throughout my battle so far, I have gained strength and a newfound ability to reach out for help when things aren’t too fab, no longer believing that I deserve to suffer alone or in silence.
Please seek support if you’re struggling and additionally, encourage others to do the same if you’re aware of their bad times too. I am incredibly thankful for every single person who has stood by me throughout my struggles (past and present) and I surely wouldn’t be where I am today without them. We need love and a little less judgement. Our illnesses don’t define us, but shape us for a much brighter future💛
#mentalhealthawareness
